The potential funeral I spoke of last week has come and gone. My quick jaunt to WV for the event has left me forever scarred. As I told my sister, I'm going to completely erase this week from my memory. There was something very wrong about the whole thing.

There were people there that I hadn't seen in fifteen years or more. The majority of them have not been in my sight for at least ten years. I cannot believe how much they've all aged. There are some the same age as me that I spent the most time with growing up. Now they have children. Multiple children. That's surreal. In my mind, I have this image of them being anywhere from 10-15 years old. Every time I think of them, they're always that age. But then to see them in the flesh looking so old and ragged and worn-down is sad. The youthful vibrance is gone and replaced by this person that I don't know. Good god. When my cousin tells me, "Here, meet my youngest. She's nine." he may as well be showing me the space alien he captured in his back yard. What the hell is with this reproducing bullshit? I know people do it, but not my people.

Of course, I couldn't be more wrong about that. These are some baby-making people. What else is there to do in WV? That still doesn't make it right, but there you go. My grandmother had 37 grandchildren. Thirty-fucking-seven. They didn't even bother to count all the great-grandchildren. That's a busy bunch of folks.

During the ceremony, the preacher spoke the words about the departed:

This woman had so many children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Just look on this side of the room. There is her legacy. This is a woman who built something that will last. These people are her contribution to the world.

As I looked around at us, I had to stifle laughter. This is her legacy, eh? Yes, let's look at us. I don't think I've ever seen a bigger group of fat, depressed failures in all my life. Here is her legacy - a bunch of fucking losers devoid of success, of happiness, of intelligence and even of rudimentary fashion sense. What a sad bunch. It's a wonder more of us haven't put guns in our mouths yet. (Oh well. Just pop out another baby and try not to think about it.)

But as I thought those things about them, I realized that I felt more kinship to them than I ever have. They are ruined shells of their former selves like I am and they don't know how to deal with it either. But I'm resolved not to turn to booze, drugs or spawn to relieve the pain. Just give me the pain straight. I prefer it that way.

I left the funeral parlor with one last image of my grandmother. I'm going to try to hold onto that one. It was a picture of her that I had never seen before. She was a young lady, so it must've been in the 1940s. She had long dark hair, deep red lips and pale skin. (Like music to my ears!) She was beautiful. Never in my life had I seen her that young and never in my life had I pictured her as anything but a bitter, meddling old lady trying to drive you toward The Lerd. But that photo - she looked so pretty and pleasant. That's a face with promise. That's a face I would've taken a second glance at. I rather like that image. I'll try to think of her like that instead of as this intrusive crusader for Jeebus.

But that begs the question - if we didn't get our ugliness from her, where did it come from?? I now will look at my grandfather with a suspicious eye...

I also paid a visit to my other grandmother. She is in her 80s, I believe, but still going strong. She's changed the least out of everyone. She still looks pretty much like she looked all my life. Her movements are a little slower, but she's as sharp as ever and not a bad looking lady for her age. (I've complemented both of my grandmothers on their looks in a single update. There is definitely something wrong with me.) Her husband (my grandfather) passed away about 12 years ago. They were the one steady, positive, loving influence in my childhood. They were never judgemental and never made me feel anything less than special. I miss both of them being together and I'm terribly saddened that Meli never got to meet him. They would have liked each other.

Other notes about the trip: The burial was at a remote site on the top of a mountain. The hearse was a 4WD SUV. Even the hearse couldn't make it all the way to the actual site, so she had to be carried uphill. When digging the grave, they hit limestone about eight inches in. That's some fun digging......I had a hot dog from Tom's Hot Dogs in Oak Hill. Best goddamn hot dogs ever. I always have to get one when I'm back home......My uncle, ever the mature one, made farting noises at me during the funeral. I like that guy......Saw another uncle that I haven't seen since the 80s. He's actually the one that gave me my first metal record, Ozzy Osbourne's Speak Of The Devil. He doesn't know what he started!......Had to run into the grocery store for a couple things and ran into my best friend from high school (whom I still talk to online). Ten years in Richmond and I never run into anybody I know. There's almost nobody here I'd want to run into. That really sucks......It's a little strange when you have to look left or right to see the clouds instead of up......I can't believe the level of service down there. Even at minimum-wage fast food restaurants they treat you great. But then, I'm from Richmond. I get excited if the workers even speak to me......The hotel I stayed at encouraged people to bring their dogs and even kept a bulletin board up in the lobby where people could post pictures of them......The local paper featured a coupon from a septic tank cleaning company good for one free quart of bacteria. Who wouldn't want a free quart of bacteria? Think of the possibilities!......I also saw a former college for sale. 50,000 square feet with a gymnasium, auditorium, theater, etc. I'm talking a real fucking college here. Six acres of land. Humongous. Only $595,000. Amazing. I need to take up donations and start the StormClad Academy! Females only, naturally.

I haven't had a chance to update the StormClad Radio playlist yet, but hope to get to that later today. Definitely before the weekend is out.