I'm really fucking bored with life right now. So bored I'm actually halfway looking forward to the season changing. At least it will be something different.

Tell you what I'm gonna do. There's a discussion board I peek at from time to time with a "Great Debates" forum. Let's see if I can settle every great debate in a few words without even reading the threads. I'm going to put the thread titles here and come to a resolution on the issues.

Of sovereign countries and aspirin factories - Let me guess...something that means Bush sucks.

The Zarqawi Letter - Sign the U.S. is Winning In Iraq? - Well gosh, I sure hope so. I'm tired of us getting our asses kicked over there. When will we ever be able to topple Saddam?

NOT a typical marijuana debate - NOT one I care to read either. Who cares?

There is no diference between Iraq and Haiti - Of course there is. Haiti people use scary voodoo, so they're cool. Iraqi people hit things with shoes, and that's pretty cool too, but Rasta The Voodoo Mon owns them all.

If your a christian answer this - If you're educated, learn to spell.

Will politicians dismount the fence and dirty their shoes? - Why, of course. Politicians love giving specific, potentially-divisive answers at election time. *cough*

Is second hand smoke dangerous - Only if you inhale.

Is using 9/11 as a means for political advantage appropriate? - Depends on how you use it.

Sanity is just a form of conformity. - Duuuuude that's like so deeeeep. You are the first person EVER to have that thought pop in their head. I want to sleep with you.

186 Shi'ites killed in Iraq: Are we now dangerously desensitised? - That makes me very, very sad. Hey, what's on tv?

Judas done the right thing? - Well, they shouldn't have let Halford back in just for money. That's so commercial.

GOPers - Are you happy with Bush? - Some are, some aren't. Hi, I like stating the obvious.

Christians: What if prior life is found on Mars? - They'll find a way to re-interpret the Bible so that it told us that all along. Either that or say the experts are wrong. Like they always do. If you have to ask this question, you haven't been paying attention.

Mars once all wet... what are the implications? - Well, for starters, that means there was probably water there. For two, I see a new Mars Water™ company starting up and competing with Evian.

Should The USA Enact a National Sales Tax? - No.

Is Truth Revealed On Your Death Bed? - The truth is revealed every minute of every day. Will you see it on your death bed? Probably not, if you haven't by then.

The American Left vs. the American People? - That does not compute.

What would GD have been like 10, 15, 25 or 40 years ago? - Full of even more ridiculous questions that are easily answered with flippant, meaningless, downright embarassingly stupid remarks by nerds on metal websites.

Bork's Slouching Toward Gommorah - I never heard of that Bjork album. Has she gone all religious?

Vampires, biologic possibility? - Sure. Uh huh. Pass the bong again.

Atheism vs Theism. If your wrong which is worse? - Spelling "your" instead of "you're" is worse than either. If you make that mistake while belting out Pascal's Wager, it's just doubly worse.

Is it ever fair to "out" people? - Only queers are concerned with what's fair. Looks like you outed yourself there, pillow biter.

Is sexual orientation analagous to race? - In some ways, yes. In some ways, no.

Haiti: Was this a U.S. backed coup d'etat? - I don't know, but I'm sure someone will turn it into a way to bash Bush.

Is FILM Photography Dead? - Who cares?

What Makes Mel Gibson the Authority? - The money to do what the fuck he wants.

What is Marriage? - They have these things called dictionaries that might help you out, grasshopper.

The Story of Jesus - just a hodge-podge of myths? - Oh, of course not. Of course not. A carpenter really was the living embodiment of God and he really did come back from the dead. One day he'll come back to take a bunch of us to an eternal paradise where all your problems vanish. Sure. What sounds implausible about that? Why would you even question it?

U.S. refusal to sign landmine treaty is quite revealing. - Oh it sure is. Uh huh. Treaties mean so much.

Creationist Science website (hoax or not?) - I really want to believe that creation science in its entirety is a hoax. People can't really be that dumb, can they?

Democrats and Republicans- how do you see your own party and the opposition? - Usually with eyeballs, although sometimes using enhanced radar pseudo-vision if you're a superhero.

What is the purpose of the federal "unorganized militia" statute? - The who who in the what what? Who cares?

Sir Winston Churchill - No, I think you're wrong there.

They all promise a savior - what are your thoughts? - Well, mostly my thoughts are of me meeting this hot little Asian chick with pointy ears and Trill spots. And a voice like Linda Stouffer's when you're on Soma. She'll come over to me and ask for help with her skirt and then...hell, you don't need to hear all this. Quit asking personal questions.

Are There Any Dangers in Issuing Same-Sex Marriage Licenses via Executive Fiat? - Oh man that is so dangerous I can't even TELL you. Don't dare mess around with that crazy shit. You start using the executive fiat to let gays marry each other and I gaurantee you people will start dying. The executive fiat is NOT to be fucked with.

Who is the best VP choice for Kerry? - George Bush.

Non-US Dopers: A Hypothetical Anti-Bush Question - I hypothetically have answered this question in a humorous fashion.

"Democrats don’t realize what a dangerous world it is" - Some don't. Some do. Takes all kinds.

Ontological arguments - Are pointless.

San Francisco's Mayor Proves that Patriot Act is Constitutional! - Well, give that man a cookie.

Election 2004 Predictions - John Kerry will cry.

Gay marriage in history - Oh, absolutely.

Drugs as Sacraments - I can't think of a better thing to do with a delusional adult than to drug them up too. What could possibly go wrong?

The Oil Crisis - Man, we are in CRISIS mode. I got gas the other day and I had to pass three pumps to get to the large section of pumps with nobody at them. Then I had to pump the gas into my car and pay a reasonable amount for it. It's TERRIBLE.

what will it take for peace in N Ireland and Israel? - Simple. Get the people to stop fighting. Glad I could help.

How about, instead of a GAY marriage ban,.... - We all go out for tacos? What? Don't leave me hanging like that.

2000 Election & Jeb Bush - Dems owe Jeb Bush a great deal. He's their crutch for the cries of "stolen election."

Are You Still SURE There's No Iraq- al Qaida Connection? - I'm not sure about much of anything in this world. But I know one thing - there's hardly anything more satisfying than a nice, sloppy dump.

The Perfect Rule - Always throw salt in your eyes.

Majority in Locke vs. Davey used the right level of Scrutiny? - I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'd wager that the majority did not. The majority never does anything right.

See? Everyone could save so much time if they just came to me. Sacrilegium knows all. And what he don't know don't matter.

New half-assed reviews posted:

Hypocrisy: "Osculum Obscenum"
Hypocrisy: "Penetralia"
Hypocrisy: "The Final Chapter"
In Flames: "Lunar Strain"
In Flames: "Subterranean"
In Flames: "The Jester Race"
Grave: "Soulless"
Brutal Truth: "Extreme Conditions Demand Extreme Responses"